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Female speaker giving a presentation during business seminar at convention center.

Effective public speaking (aka communication) is a vital skill, essential for building meaningful connections and business growth.The way we communicate (more importantly the way we make people feel) can significantly affect how others perceive us and how well we are able to connect with them. And therefore, sell an idea, product or service.The other day I was texting a friend, and the conversation went like this:“No-one wealthy made money because they could public speak.”“Possibly.”“What matters is not if someone can speak, but if they have something to say.”I couldn’t agree more with this. The world is full of people trying to make it, and spend money on learning to speak, but if they have nothing to say, it won’t make one iota of a difference.I continued the conversation with:“Yes you ought to have something to say. But when speaking, the way you make people in the room feel is what makes the difference between telling them about your idea, product or service or them ‘buy it’.”I call this connection.<h3>We all can make people feel something… </h3>Most of our lives, including when “we are public speaking” we are unconscious of the way we make people feel. Think about it.&nbsp;When you’re having an argument (a discussion😁) with a loved one, we pay little (if any) attention to how they are feeling. And the degree to which we influence those feelings (with what and how are speaking to them).&nbsp;The same goes for public speaking.<h3>So what is it?</h3>Its conscious consciousness driven by empathy. Not rocket science.Empathy, at its core, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When we practice empathy in communication, we not only listen to words but also tune into the emotions and experiences behind them.This allows us to respond in a way that shows we genuinely care and understand.We know people are more likely to feel valued and understood when they feel you are genuinely connected with their emotions.<h3>Ignoring all this ‘be kind’ malarkey </h3>We live in a world where everyone is told to be kind. And yet there is so much unkindness everywhere.If we just took the time to be more deliberate in our conversation, pitches, public speaking scenarios. More conscious. We would recognise how we are impacting each other.We would notice how we were making one another feel. This is the heart of connection.<h3>Using relevant emotion to connect </h3>In other words, when a speaker uses relevant emotions (relevant to the message being delivered, the audience he or she is speaking to and relevant to them, the speaker) he connects with the audience.He makes them experience something other than the words. This is the art of effective public speaking. And will change the world.When we communicate with empathy, and we ignore all this ‘be kind’ malarkey, we make the other person feel heard; they experience an emotion. They may not recognise it.They may just acknowledge what they see or hear, for example “oh wow he is a great speaker.” Or “yes that’s a brilliant idea.”What they usually have is an intellectual interpretation of an emotional experience. And that’s great. And the world of business, and life has been built on this. But there is more. There is more to us.True empathy is ensuring your words resonate deeply. You then connect.<h3>Meaningful conversations and business growth</h3>Imagine getting an audience to see; to know how they feel in a moment.Imagine influencing how your audience feels about you and what you are saying. And you being able to consciously influence how they feel; what they experience.We are more likely to feel valued and understood when we know the speaker is connecting with us.That said, it’s much trickier to do whilst texting. We’re all so much better in person.

Kindness sucks, empathy rules

This week I presented to a group of CEOs and MDs from Bath, Bristol and beyond. I had on what I call my Madonna mic. It’s not really a thing, but it is for me! #StrikeAPoseThe brief: give them something to think about.So I did…I said:“Throughout history, humans have consistently strived to control situations, innovate, and better themselves and their environment. This relentless effort has significantly transformed our world and the way we live, enhancing our rivers, lands, businesses and livelihoods and societies.Yet, this progress has brought us to a point where we now question the sustainability of these advancements and the survival of the human race.<h3>Become comfortable with uncertainty </h3>James Humes said, “The art of communication is the language of leadership.”Change is inevitable or indeed the only certainty is uncertainty. We know this in business. We can do all the market research and analysis ever needed. Collect all the data we can find, but we still make assumptions.We really can’t predict the future. This may change with AI. But us humans, I believe, will remain pretty unpredictable. Isn’t that the very essence of us?<h3>Become comfortable with uncertainty</h3>When it comes to speaking, our market analysis is best implemented through awareness of our awareness; mindfulness, and embracing the inevitable; the change. The moment-to-moment happenings. When we do, we master the language of leadership.We know public speaking (whether to 1 or 1000) inherently involves a degree of uncertainty. No matter how thoroughly I have prepared for today, I cannot control every aspect of what happens. Not least of all your reactions to me speaking. The technical issues (like the PowerPoint not working earlier and me having to “wing it” now). Or even my own spontaneous thoughts and feelings which are coming and go all the time, whilst speaking to you.And yet, we seek to control these uncontrollable things. Like we do in our lives and business.<h3>Become comfortable with uncertainty</h3>It’s like trying to stop yourself thinking of an elephant, when you’re asked to not think of an elephant.But by becoming comfortable with uncertainty, I unlock a more dynamic and responsive style. Whether you like me or what I am saying and how I am saying it, I can’t control. In my mind, I let go of my attachment to what I believe I ought to do and say. I am free from the relentless pursuit of improvement. I allow the change to happen. And I respond.Just to be clear, I am not saying improvement is bad. I am saying we keep taking the horse to water, but we can’t make it drink. Well, what if we are the horse?<h3>Become comfortable with uncertainty</h3>When we truly embody each moment; we are (I am) fully present. How? By simply noticing. Which is the opposite of going “full-steam ahead with my prep — saying everything I wanted to say.” The pursuit of evermore improvement. Doing more. Saying more. Being more.When I become comfortable with uncertainty I see my mindfulness in action — being aware of my awareness with acceptance. For me, here today in front of you wonderfully successful people, it helps me manage nerves and self-criticism, often my biggest hurdles.Consequently, I am able to connect more with what I am saying and how I am communicating it, and this in turn means I connect genuinely with some of you, because you feel something. And then think something.<h3>Become comfortable with uncertainty</h3>The Awakened leader points the way but we have to still drink. That job is our own. Things can be pointed out to us, but unless we take them to heart, examine them carefully, test them respectfully , digest them thoroughly, and make them come alive in our life. We communicate (we live and lead) by numbers. There’s no art to that.We must make the right effort ourselves. We are the thirsty horse. The horse is going to drink. But first the horse must recognise that it is water. That it is something easily in reach, that he needs. Otherwise he will waste away even while he stands at the water trough.Our ignorance is such that most of us don’t realise we’re thirsty. Or if we realise we’re thirsty, we look for water in the wrong place.We must first see what we can control and what we can’t. Otherwise, we’ll waste our efforts in trying to do the impossible while ignoring what is easily within reach.When we see, this moment as it is we have a presence. We have presence. And communicate in a way that directs our energies rightly. We become comfortable with uncertainty.Then we can improve what needs to be better, and let go of what doesn’t.That’s okay, more than okay; it is the art of communication. The language of leadership.That, is freedom.”

Becoming comfortable with uncertainty…is true freedom

Eckhart Tolle profoundly expressed, "Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as though you consciously selected it. Engage harmoniously with it, rather than in opposition. Foster a rapport with it, rather than treating it as your enemy. This approach will remarkably transform your entire existence." My take on this sentiment underscores that acceptance brings clarity to our lived experiences. However, this stream of acceptance flows seamlessly only with an astute presence of mind. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">This insight is profoundly resonant in the realm of public speaking...</h3>In my two-decade-long journey assisting numerous senior leaders, the hallmark of a distinguished speaker is their nuanced understanding of the essence of moment-to-moment awareness and their wholehearted acceptance of the present. We cannot truly grasp the essence of acceptance if we are perpetually in a state of dissatisfaction with our fleeting emotions and feelings. Continual self-doubt—wondering if my choice of words is precise, pondering the efficacy of my narrative technique, or incessantly seeking validation from the audience—effectively positions us at odds with our own essence. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">True acceptance starts with an inward journey...</h3>A journey anchored in a non-judgmental acknowledgment of the resistances we've accumulated. Our resistance often manifest as ingrained conditioning and belief systems. Complete acceptance is driven by the ability to see, pay attention. Through focused attention, the genuine liberation of letting go emerges. The root of our distorted perception of reality is an underlying insecurity in our thought processes. This insecurity impedes our potential to be captivating speakers. An unwillingness to embrace the reality of the moment inundates our mind while speaking, leading us down the labyrinth of self-doubt and distraction. It’s akin to a novice tennis player being overly analytical with each stroke, thereby missing the innate beauty and joy of the game. The pleasure of the present moment. Life, in its immediate reality. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">We often become ensnared in a quest for self-comprehension</h3>How to excel in public speaking, how to present our authentic selves. This entrenched pursuit, while profound, often remains enigmatic. My mission has always been to guide leaders in relinquishing these deep-seated attachments. Unwavering acceptance creates a chasm between us and the internal monologues that often dictate our approach to public speaking. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">How do we achieve this?</h3>The answer lies in introspection. A vigilant self-awareness of our tendencies towards resistance, avoidance, and overindulgence in entrenched habits brings to light the realisation that distractions arise primarily from our inability to accept ourselves unconditionally.

Echoing the Now: How Awareness Amplifies Your Public Speaking

We live in a world of perpetual flux, where the only constant is change. In our relentless pursuit of stability, we can become frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed. However, in the face of this challenge lies an incredible opportunity – particularly in the world of public speaking – to embrace the power of acceptance. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Last month at my 3-day Leader Speaker Retreat</h3>A dynamic group of senior leaders explored the art of effective communication. Three days of complete immersion into the art and craft of public speaking. We explored their unique presence and what it means to communicate with impact. In a public speaking context, we seek to create a sense of stability, yet, like time (and life), speaking or presenting is ever-changing. The present moment is never the same. The present moment-to-moment newness we must possess when speaking, is a metaphor for life. One of the comments made by the delegates at the end of the three days when we were reflecting on what they might take away from their experience was enlightening:&nbsp;"I found these three days extraordinarily challenging. I've realised I gave myself permission to engage an audience in ways I'd never seen myself do before." What struck me was this delegate's openness to change. She had expressed that she needed help understanding and getting to grips with what she could improve upon before coming on the retreat. And yet she noticed the significance of her willingness to embrace alternative ways of communicating with her presence. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">At the heart of her change lies a simple but important framework</h3>Over two decades, I've designed and developed a number of frameworks to help people master the art (not just the skills) of public speaking. One such framework claims that our actions are preceded by certain behaviours, our feelings by our thoughts, and our thoughts by an intention. When we connect with, and tap into, this 'intentional energy' - our presence - our impact can be immensely amplified. The potential of harnessing this energy goes beyond public speaking. In our approach to personal and professional life, it can inform the actions we take (or fail to take). For businesses, understanding and aligning with the intentions (our 'why') behind the vision helps to build a solid mission and meaningful impact on customers and communities. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Many of us yearn for permanence in an ever-changing world</h3>And with this desire comes fatigue. In a one-to-one coaching session, a client expressed their solemn resignation of never-ending progress. But it's not change that exhausts us, but our resistance towards it? This leads to an essential question: how do we find resilience? The answer may lie in a single word: acceptance. This should not be confused with resignation; rather, it's a conscious choice to welcome the present moment and imbue it with a deep understanding of its impermanence. We must be willing to act, think, feel, and listen as each situation arises. And we must certainly accept, that our level of resilience is subject to change. Acceptance lets us let go of our desire to control how we work with each encounter. It gives us the power to lean into transforming change into an advantage, and to use it to fuel our growth. It reveals a deeper, more authentic presence within ourselves and enables us to speak with greater purpose and poise. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">In a business context...</h3>Understanding our missions' 'why' helps manage change more effectively. By seeing recalcitrant situations as opportunities to grow, we gain an invaluable ability to lead our teams and make a positive impact both within and outside the organisation. The concept of embracing change is not new, but it allows us to divorce ourselves from living in a permanent state of fear and stress. It encourages us to nurture resilience from the inside out, empowering us to move through life with an open mind and open heart. And ultimately, it allows us to step boldly into each moment and lead the dance.

Leading the Dance of Change: Harnessing Acceptance and Intention in Leadership and Public Speaking

Being in the moment, razor-sharp, unfettered by distractions, wholly alive to everything around you; we've all experienced this. A sports star calls it being in the zone, a jazz musician feels it while riffing an improvisation, a mother in the throes of childbirth recognizes it. This state of hyper-presence, what I call "actual reality," is akin to the psychological concept of flow. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Flow isn't just an abstract state of mind...</h3>It's a profound condition of being that underlies peak performance in various fields, from athletics to arts to business. In the organizational context, flow is vital for effective communication. Flow, or being fully present, involves focusing on the present moment, engaged and attuned to the immediate context, undistracted by the past or future. Consider the exhilaration of a skydive. The adrenalin-fuelled moment of stepping out into the thin air, the all-encompassing rush of freefall, where worries and distractions evaporate, replaced by sheer presence – being in that moment. It is impossible to not be present in a situation such as this. While we often associate such profound presence with extreme circumstances, the reality is that we can harness this state in any moment, given the right awareness and tools. Ever caught yourself steamrolling a meeting or freezing during a presentation? I've been there. Being fully present can prevent missteps and facilitate effective communication in such scenarios. You are at your best when you are in the flow, entirely focused and engaged. It sounds simple, yet it's elusive in our fast-paced world. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">In this constantly changing world, staying present is like watching a movie...</h3>Like a frame in a film, each moment whirls by, blurring into a continuous scene of action. We are tempted to freeze a frame, label it as reality, when the truth is, reality is a ceaselessly changing panorama. We need to evolve continuously to stay present with this unfolding actuality. Today's business world presents unique challenges to staying present. The advent of robust technology and the leaner, flatter organisational structures mean we juggle more tasks and responsibilities. Our energy dissipates, scattered among numerous activities, none of which receive our full attention. Consequently, the underlying problem of how fear influences our presence becomes accentuated. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Fear can be a formidable barrier to presence...</h3>Fear of failure, falling behind, not being good enough, or others' opinions—such anxieties can create a mental fog that hampers our ability to stay present. As an experienced public speaker and executive speaker coach, I recently experienced such an episode. The critical point here is not the fear itself, but the thoughts that fear invokes that deter presence. The fight or flight response, a primal instinct, is how we react to fear. When faced with a threat, adrenaline surges, preparing us to either fight or flee. While this response is crucial in the face of physical danger, the modern world's stressors often elicit the same response, undermining our ability to stay present. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Another common reaction to fear is the activation of the inner critic...</h3>This voice inside our heads incessantly evaluates our behavior. More often than not, the inner critic cripples rather than aids us, preventing us from taking risks due to fear of failure. Overcoming this internal voice is a crucial step toward staying present. Mastering the art of being present requires continuous effort. It involves honing the ability to notice your breath, to see the situation as it is, and to let go of judgement and labelling of sensations. This involves a focus on the physical, a shift in perspective, and acceptance of thoughts and feelings. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Being present is a transformative state that energizes and clarifies...</h3>This new energy derived from being fully present is not merely an amplified state of attention but a dynamic state of flow. In public speaking, this energy inspires and motivates, communicating beyond words. It connects, influences, and drives change. In essence, being present isn't just about existing in the moment; it's about catalysing a state of flow that energizes and transforms, turning ordinary into extraordinary. Research, including studies by McKinsey &amp; Company, corroborates this. They found a direct correlation between high levels of employee engagement, well-being (indicative of being in the flow), and superior business performance. Embrace the state of being present, and witness the transformation in yourself and your world. This is the power of actual reality, a new energy, a heightened state of flow that infuses life into everything it touches, from communication to performance. Let this energy fuel your journey to extraordinary. Being present, staying in the zone, embracing the actual reality is not an aspiration—it's a transformation that unfolds every moment.It is a presence unique to you - your superpower—unleash it.

Being in the Zone: The New Energy of Presence in Communication

Public speaking is an art form, a medium through which individuals express ideas, persuade audiences, and evoke emotions. However, with its endless array of information and techniques, the modern era often poses an ironic problem for many leaders: the paradox of choice. Drawing parallels with life, there's a notion that true freedom isn't necessarily in maximising choice. Real liberation can sometimes be found where choices are limited. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">The Paradox of Choice</h3>The concept of the paradox of choice, popularised by psychologist Barry Schwartz, posits that too many options can lead to anxiety, indecision, and dissatisfaction. Although primarily applied to consumer choices, this concept has deep resonance in public speaking. As a speaker, the process can feel overwhelming when faced with a plethora of data, delivery styles, and engagement methods. Does freedom in public speaking truly lie in embracing all these options, or does it come from a more measured approach? <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Mastery Over Volume</h3>One of the most daunting tasks is sifting through vast amounts of information on your chosen topic. The internet era has democratised access to knowledge but has also created a tsunami of data. It might be tempting to cram as much information as possible into a presentation to display expertise. However, we all know that true mastery isn't in quantity but in quality. Narrowing down the scope of your talk or presentation (in my coaching work, I call it Being Specific) to focus on essential and impactful points leads to a more concise and powerful presentation. After all, audiences remember how you make them feel with the depth of your insights, not the breadth of your data. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Finding Your Authentic Style</h3>Often the leaders and speakers I work with feel pressured to emulate popular orators within the organisation. Adopting their humour, storytelling techniques, or even their gestures. And with countless TED Talks and workshops available, the choices for presentation styles are vast. However, true freedom in public speaking emerges when you embrace your unique style. By focusing on your strengths and aligning them with audience expectations and the nature of your topic, your delivery becomes more authentic. Instead of attempting to incorporate every possible technique, choosing a style you're comfortable with ensures your delivery remains natural and engaging. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Structuring Your Narrative</h3>Structure is the backbone of any great talk or presentation. With numerous formats available – from problem-solution to chronological storytelling – it's easy to get lost. An intricate structure might seem sophisticated but can risk confusing the audience. Choosing a straightforward and clear structure tailored to your message and audience ensures your talk remains coherent and compelling. It's another testament to the fact that simplicity often trumps complexity in public speaking. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Engaging With Purpose</h3>Audience engagement is the holy grail. The choices here are myriad – anecdotes, jokes, audience polls, stories and more. Yet, the key is to remember that not all engagement methods suit every topic or audience. Instead of throwing every technique into the mix, selecting a few that truly resonate with your listeners is more liberating and effective. By knowing your audience and crafting your presentation to connect with them, you achieve a more profound sense of freedom in your delivery. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">Navigating Stage Fright</h3>Lastly, fewer choices in presentation preparation can be a boon for those grappling with stage fright. Overcomplicating aspects of a presentation can amplify anxiety. You can direct your energy more productively by concentrating on your intent, the core message, supporting points, and a clear call to action. Focusing on what truly matters minimises anxiety and enhances your connection with the audience. <h3 class="reader-text-block__heading2">A double-edged sword</h3>In public speaking, as in life, the abundance of choices can sometimes be a double-edged sword. While options provide us with opportunities for diversity and innovation, they can also overwhelm and paralyze us. True freedom in connecting with others often aligns with the philosophy that less is more. By focusing on authenticity, simplicity, and genuine audience connection, you can navigate the vast sea of choices and find your own unique voice. After all, it's not about how many choices you have, but how meaningfully you make them.

Blog

Kindness sucks, empathy rules

Becoming comfortable with uncertainty…is true freedom

Echoing the Now: How Awareness Amplifies Your Public Spea...

Leading the Dance of Change: Harnessing Acceptance and In...

Being in the Zone: The New Energy of Presence in Communic...

The Irony of Choice in Public Speaking: Less is Often More