Kindness sucks, empathy rules

Effective public speaking (aka communication) is a vital skill, essential for building meaningful connections and business growth.

The way we communicate (more importantly the way we make people feel) can significantly affect how others perceive us and how well we are able to connect with them. And therefore, sell an idea, product or service.

The other day I was texting a friend, and the conversation went like this:

“No-one wealthy made money because they could public speak.”

“Possibly.”

“What matters is not if someone can speak, but if they have something to say.”

I couldn’t agree more with this. The world is full of people trying to make it, and spend money on learning to speak, but if they have nothing to say, it won’t make one iota of a difference.

I continued the conversation with:

“Yes you ought to have something to say. But when speaking, the way you make people in the room feel is what makes the difference between telling them about your idea, product or service or them ‘buy it’.”

I call this connection.

We all can make people feel something…

Most of our lives, including when “we are public speaking” we are unconscious of the way we make people feel. Think about it. 

When you’re having an argument (a discussion😁) with a loved one, we pay little (if any) attention to how they are feeling. And the degree to which we influence those feelings (with what and how are speaking to them). 

The same goes for public speaking.

So what is it?

Its conscious consciousness driven by empathy. Not rocket science.

Empathy, at its core, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When we practice empathy in communication, we not only listen to words but also tune into the emotions and experiences behind them.

This allows us to respond in a way that shows we genuinely care and understand.

We know people are more likely to feel valued and understood when they feel you are genuinely connected with their emotions.

Ignoring all this ‘be kind’ malarkey

We live in a world where everyone is told to be kind. And yet there is so much unkindness everywhere.

If we just took the time to be more deliberate in our conversation, pitches, public speaking scenarios. More conscious. We would recognise how we are impacting each other.

We would notice how we were making one another feel. This is the heart of connection.

Using relevant emotion to connect

In other words, when a speaker uses relevant emotions (relevant to the message being delivered, the audience he or she is speaking to and relevant to them, the speaker) he connects with the audience.

He makes them experience something other than the words. This is the art of effective public speaking. And will change the world.

When we communicate with empathy, and we ignore all this ‘be kind’ malarkey, we make the other person feel heard; they experience an emotion. They may not recognise it.

They may just acknowledge what they see or hear, for example “oh wow he is a great speaker.” Or “yes that’s a brilliant idea.”

What they usually have is an intellectual interpretation of an emotional experience. And that’s great. And the world of business, and life has been built on this. But there is more. There is more to us.

True empathy is ensuring your words resonate deeply. You then connect.

Meaningful conversations and business growth

Imagine getting an audience to see; to know how they feel in a moment.

Imagine influencing how your audience feels about you and what you are saying. And you being able to consciously influence how they feel; what they experience.

We are more likely to feel valued and understood when we know the speaker is connecting with us.

That said, it’s much trickier to do whilst texting. We’re all so much better in person.